Cold and Broken Halleujah

When somebody is forced aways from you...when somebody is taken away from you and even when somebody leaves you it hurts. You're probably like no shit, but listen it more than hurt. It leaves a thought in their mind it leaves a tear and cut and hole in the heart. Trust me i know, it's happened to me many times. When your forced to chose between one parent and the other it does things to your mind, it damages it. When somebody you love is seen dragged to you like a dog or sombody you see screaming for help but you cant help them it rips open your soul and bring tears to the eyes. Every single breath you take you can't shake the image of your loved one crying for a hug again, something. my heart has so many missing pieces im afraid to look at it. It's like walking 20 steps ahead and then getting knocked 30 steps back. I have the biggest heart ache and head ache and there's nothing i can do about it. I miss a lot of people who really don't deserve what they're getting. i love them and when someong you grew up with is no longer there to cry with and argue with or laugh with you start to grow distant and dark because you want to know why..well heres why life fucking sucks thats how it is..

Jonny (Part I)

Jonny, my dear sweet brother Jonny. I thought since my last entry showed one of my "messed up" brothers i wud write about my "Perfect" brother. He will be known as Jonny. Jonny and I were NOT that close. In fact we were no where near as close as my and my other brothers. He has a baby Boy Jonny jr of course and he's awsome! Looks just like his daddy. Well he lived with his girlfriend for a long time. Up untill she wanted to seperate. It killed him inside and i could tell. He moved in with me and my dad and my brothers and sister that lived with us at the time. In the begining it was EXTREAMLY different. At the time i was in Cyber skool so i was home a lot. One day i sat down on the couch next 2 him and he was watching Sponebob. and i was thinking .."Wow he likes spongebob! I freaking love spongebob!" so we watched spongebob and i was cracking up with him. L8r i went to the 3rd floor were his room was. (all the boys rooms are on the 3rd floor.) And well im like a tom boy so yes i was usalyy up there alot. I find myself laughing with Jonny and my other 2 brothers having a good time. My sister comes up and we stay up all night. SOme time later I find him and my brother playing this online game called Scions of Fate. I was kool letmme play. Jonny was like ok ill teach you. and from there on out we were SUPA close. I mean we played that game 24-7. We have a hellva lot in common. I loved hanging out with him. Most of the time he had his son so yes we all had fun together. I miss him so much. He went to the airforce a while after living with us. He meet some1 new and im happy for him. I love the gurl he dates she's awsome. I love him and miss him. it sukks not to see him everyday but i kno he's happy. It seems a part of me left with him, but evertime i see hijm i feel whole. I cried when he left for an hour and cry when i see him.(alone of course) so yes i love my brother dearly. wud kill for him. There's picture of him seeing his son for the first time getting out of training and i cried when i saw them. i still cry when i see them. lol. so there my other brother and yes there's more.

My Family part I (Tommy)

OH KAYY. i have a lot of family. And yes its chaotic. Lets with my brother, let call him Tommy, started acting out. Tommy and I use to be what most people call real siblings, alway together have fun. We argued but never fought. Now he's drinking with an house arrest braclet on. GO FIGURE? Tommy use to be into sports and got good grades. Not ne-more. He was arrested for robbing this place, and he stayed in jail for 7 months. Missed out on all my holidays. AND it sucked. I cried everynight, knowing my brother was locked up for something he didnt do. Now they had DNA for the masks and even took my brother's DNA AND LET ME TELL YOUIF IT WAS AN OFFICER ARRESTED FOR THAT CRIME THE DNA WUDDA CAME BACK ASAP NOT 7 FUCKING MONTHS. now the guy who really did this blamed it on my brother, framed him, you can say. this dude, we'll call him Bitch, has a record my brother didn't. Soh wen they questioned both of them and Bitch's "boy" Tommy said he didn't do it, Bitch said Tommy did it, and Bitch's bot said tommy and he did it. Soh Bitch's boy and Tommy was locked up. THEY BELEIVED A MUTHERFUCKER WHO HAD A RECORD OF SHIT!!!!!WTF!!!!????? soh when DNA finally came back it proved Tommy had NOTHING to do with it. He's home now, but now he's fucked up. Bitch's court is coming up. and he pledded Guilty to all charges. HAH FUCKER! so now Tommy thinks he all hard and shit and now he calls my dad names like punk ass bitch ect ect and he thinks he dnt need no1. I dnt remember this Tommy, nd it scares me to see him act like that, to act like a monster. I cry for him to get back to normal but he doesn't. Now we really FIGHT. becuz he thinks he can "rule" the house and so what he wants wen he wants nd he aint gonna "rule" me. I love him i just wnt him to get back 2 normal.

Don't say sorry now.

Okay so remember when i wrote about the guy who i thought i loved? Well im over him. And he seems to be mad at me. AHAHA like i give a damn! Ne-ways he walks past me acting all hard and looking at me like he wanna kill me. and it bothers me cuz he was the one who did stuff to me not the other way around.I cud see if i tlked bout him but i didnt. Also he'll grab his girl and make out with herin front of me. So idk what to do about that. Well my cuz read my page. I hope she liked it. And i can't wait cuz when we get together we are UNSTOPPABLE. back on the subject,,, I messaged him and he's ignoring me. Oh well i did ignor him i mean i acted like he was a tiny speck in the ocean. Plus i think i mite like someone else. He's cool. Im not gonna ever really like him like i did That other dude but at least i have some1, or rather will have some1. My next blog im going to tell you about my fam. How messed up it is. BE PREPARED!!!!!!!! bye

Friends gotta love em

Friends= love and trust, but dnt get ur hopes too high up to becarful of who you chose to trust. I have a friends whom i love very much and i havn't talked to in a while ,lets call her Joey. I told Joey everything about me, the horrible parts, the crushes, the pain, the addiction (not to drugs), ect. i thought she was my best friends untill now. I needed Joey so much in the past month and i havnt heard from her. I called her everyday, and everyday i was let down and cried. Cried becuz i needed some1 and cried becuz of situations. Now, there is another friend whom i love and adore and he is fucking awsome. Let's call him Tray. lol. Tray is a skool buddy i've known since (idk) 1st grade.... and know we are super close. I tell him everything he knows everything about me no secrets but little ones. When i thought that Joey wud be there and she wasn't Tray was. That made all the difference in my eyes. I still love them both, just now i know who i can turn to. Tray you know who you are and i say this with love, your an awsome friend, dont let anybody pull you down. I trust you and i beleive that your different from my other friends. Joey i still love your crazy a**, don't take this personal, just know that when i needed you the most you weren't there you didnt even call me back....

Love?

Hey! im extra new to this but imma just use it as a venting thing. So the first topic i picked was Love. LOVE=PAIN is my thoughts but hey, i could be wrong. Here's my situation. A guy i thought was cute started talking to me and we became friends, little did i know my cousin was what he wanted. He texted me and talked to me outside of school yet inside of school he acted like i didnt exsist, painful to me because i just looked pass that. Love was blinding what i should of seen. I've been used so many times in the past, mainly to get to another person, and i thought i would know if it was happening again. I WAS WRONG. I fell for his eyes and looks and how he talked to me, ignoring the fact that he asked about my cousin a lot. So in the my mind clicked, i cried for hours no lie. the bad part about it is that he has a girlfriend yet he's STILL tryna talk to my cousin and other girls in our school. So when i see him either alone or with some girl, i feel a lot of things angry, sad, depressed for not seeing clearly, and all of those because deep down i know i would give him a chance if he asked. Now i have even MORE trust issues... All because i let me heart fool me! You guys might think love is all Sweet and sugar but love hurts. PS: I MADE THAT PICTURE.